---
title: DHSM: Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism
description: An exploration of the concept of Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism (DHSM), as discussed by Natalie Wynn in her ContraPoints video essay on Twilight.
published: 2025-01-01
categories: sexuality, relationships
---

Token estimate: ~1,400

# DHSM: Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism

An exploration of the concept of Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism (DHSM), as discussed by Natalie Wynn in her ContraPoints video essay on Twilight.

DHSM stands for Default Heterosexual Sado-Masochism, a concept discussed by Natalie Wynn (of the YouTube channel ContraPoints) in her wonderful [3-hour video essay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqloPw5wp48 "Twilight | ContraPoints - YouTube video") ostensibly about the Twilight films.

This concept explores the inherent power dynamics and potentially problematic aspects of typical heterosexual relationships.

As someone who's often assumed to be submissive simply for being a bottom, the concept really resonated with me, and I'm particularly drawn to ideas that illuminate cultural forces so pervasive they've become invisible.

## Key points

1.  **Definition**
    
    DHSM suggests that mainstream heterosexual relationships often incorporate elements of dominance, submission, and power imbalances that mirror aspects of BDSM but in a less explicit or acknowledged way.
    
2.  **Cultural normalisation**
    
    These power dynamics are often seen as "normal" or "natural" in heterosexual relationships rather than being recognised as a specific sexual or relationship preference.
    
3.  **Gender roles**
    
    DHSM typically involves men taking dominant roles and women taking submissive roles, reflecting and reinforcing traditional gender expectations.
    
4.  **Unconscious adoption**
    
    Many people may engage in these dynamics without consciously choosing or acknowledging them.
    
5.  **Cultural reinforcement**
    
    Media, social norms, and cultural narratives reinforce these dynamics, making them seem default in heterosexual relationships.
    
6.  **Critique**
    
    The concept of DHSM serves as a criticism of rigid gender roles and power imbalances in heterosexual relationships.
    
7.  **Psychological aspects**
    
    Wynn explores how these dynamics might relate to fantasy, desire, and the fulfilment of emotional needs.
    
8.  **Broader implications**
    
    The concept is extended to question why sexual hierarchies and power dynamics exist in various forms of sexuality, not just heterosexual relationships.
    

## Application to Twilight

Wynn uses the Twilight saga as a starting point to examine these ideas, showing how the vampire-human romance exaggerates elements of DHSM.

She suggests that the appeal of such stories partly lies in how they dramatise power dynamics often present, though less extreme, in everyday heterosexual relationships.

![The four Twilight saga books by Stephenie Meyer arranged on a dark surface, showing their distinctive dark covers with red and white imagery.](https://dandigresses.co.uk/twilight-books.png)

## Questioning inherent nature vs. cultural conditioning

The essay also questions whether these dynamics are inherent to sexuality itself or primarily the result of social and cultural conditioning. It explores various perspectives on why sexuality often involves elements of hierarchy, cruelty, and consumption.

Ultimately, Wynn suggests that even in works like Twilight, which seem to reinforce DHSM, they also subtly challenge it.

She proposes that a more fluid understanding of sexual and romantic roles beyond rigid gender binaries could be a way to move beyond DHSM.

## DHSM in non-heterosexual relationships

It's important to note that DHSM is not limited to heterosexual relationships. In non-heterosexual relationships, similar power dynamics can exist, but they're often more fluid and less tied to gender roles.

Being a top (the penetrating partner) doesn't necessarily mean being dominant, just as being a bottom (the receptive partner) doesn't automatically equate to being submissive.

These roles can be interchangeable and don't always reflect power dynamics in the relationship outside of sexual contexts.

## Binary opposites in DHSM

The concept of DHSM often involves a series of binary opposites in relationships, such as:

-   Dominant/Submissive
-   Active/Passive
-   Pursuer/Pursued
-   Protector/Protected
-   Provider/Provided for

## Separating concepts

It's crucial to understand that various aspects of relationships and sexuality are distinct and not necessarily linked:

1.  **Masculine/Feminine**
    
    Refers to gender expression
    
2.  **Top/Bottom**
    
    Describes sexual positions
    
3.  **Dominant/Submissive**
    
    Relates to roles in a power dynamic
    
4.  **Lover/Beloved**
    
    Describes relationship roles
    

Relationships often combine these elements beyond HDSM. **For example, a person can be a feminine top, a masculine submissive, or a dominant bottom.** It's important not to conflate these different concepts.

## Challenging stereotypes

It's crucial to challenge the stereotypical assumption that:

Woman = Submissive = Attracted to men

This equation is an oversimplification and doesn't accurately represent the diversity of human sexuality and relationships. It's important to recognise and respect the wide range of individual preferences and expressions in gender, sexuality, and relationships.

If you're interested in exploring this concept further, you can watch the [original ContraPoints video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqloPw5wp48) or read a [transcript](https://cohost.org/rc/tagged/Contrapoints).